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Pure Pleasure
In Response To 'I Caught The Sex-Toy Thief': http://www.purepleasureshop.com/askamy/2011/0
Hi Amy,
Thanks for your latest post ('On Letting Go Of Anger After Being Robbed'). I really appreciate you acknowledging that some of your comments could come off as insensitive. It is great that you are able to reflect on that.
I think that if you really are a "lover of all people", you should delete the post (including the photo). At this point there’s no reason it still needs to be up. To me being sex positive means understanding that people have been told for their whole lives that sex is shameful and their bodies are not to be fully lived in or loved. By keeping the post up you are perpetuating these ideas by undoubtedly causing this individual a lifetime of feeling additional shame in connection to these events. Do we really need to slap another person on the wrist for pursuing pleasure?
You should have thought before opening a business about how within the context of trying to create a positive and safe sexual space in the community you would respond to what you consider violations of that space, such as shoplifting. Ranting on your blog? Pressing charges? Is that really a good way to let community members know that Pure Pleasure is a safe space that is respectful and confidential of their sexuality? I also feel that you’re making a joke out the fact that a crystal butt plug was stolen—that somehow this makes him gay. It makes no difference what items were stolen.
You must understand that the sex toy industry is elitist-- sex products are very expensive and not an option for the majority of people. If you open a sex toy store you are going to get stolen from, despite how much you believe you are "the little guys doing good things for the community". Little guys doing good things for the community do not install security cameras, “hunt down” shoplifters, and write about them/post their photos on the internet.
We all know the way to stop shoplifters while they’re in the store—approach them and be overly friendly and attentive, without being accusatory. I think that approach works retroactively as well—tell shoplifters face-to-face that you don’t appreciate being stolen from. If you feel there must be some punishment, get them distribute free condoms in the community. Rather that making this a point to tighten up (checking customers bags, sharpening your ‘hawk eyes’, etc.) make it a point to open up—show the Santa Cruz community that you are not a business to be stolen from by getting more involved in doing good things for the community. Perhaps run a do-it-yourself sex toy workshop.
I have been a customer or Pure Pleasure in the past but I will not be returning to your store unless some major change happens. There are many other sex shops to support that have truly sex positive practices, and that’s where I will be heading (and telling others to head there with me—see resource list below).
Jasmine
Resources:
• Good Vibrations- http://www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml
• Babeland- http://www.babeland.com/
• Venus Envy- http://venusenvy.ca/
• Smitten Kitten- https://www.smittenkittenonline.com/
Thanks for your latest post ('On Letting Go Of Anger After Being Robbed'). I really appreciate you acknowledging that some of your comments could come off as insensitive. It is great that you are able to reflect on that.
I think that if you really are a "lover of all people", you should delete the post (including the photo). At this point there’s no reason it still needs to be up. To me being sex positive means understanding that people have been told for their whole lives that sex is shameful and their bodies are not to be fully lived in or loved. By keeping the post up you are perpetuating these ideas by undoubtedly causing this individual a lifetime of feeling additional shame in connection to these events. Do we really need to slap another person on the wrist for pursuing pleasure?
You should have thought before opening a business about how within the context of trying to create a positive and safe sexual space in the community you would respond to what you consider violations of that space, such as shoplifting. Ranting on your blog? Pressing charges? Is that really a good way to let community members know that Pure Pleasure is a safe space that is respectful and confidential of their sexuality? I also feel that you’re making a joke out the fact that a crystal butt plug was stolen—that somehow this makes him gay. It makes no difference what items were stolen.
You must understand that the sex toy industry is elitist-- sex products are very expensive and not an option for the majority of people. If you open a sex toy store you are going to get stolen from, despite how much you believe you are "the little guys doing good things for the community". Little guys doing good things for the community do not install security cameras, “hunt down” shoplifters, and write about them/post their photos on the internet.
We all know the way to stop shoplifters while they’re in the store—approach them and be overly friendly and attentive, without being accusatory. I think that approach works retroactively as well—tell shoplifters face-to-face that you don’t appreciate being stolen from. If you feel there must be some punishment, get them distribute free condoms in the community. Rather that making this a point to tighten up (checking customers bags, sharpening your ‘hawk eyes’, etc.) make it a point to open up—show the Santa Cruz community that you are not a business to be stolen from by getting more involved in doing good things for the community. Perhaps run a do-it-yourself sex toy workshop.
I have been a customer or Pure Pleasure in the past but I will not be returning to your store unless some major change happens. There are many other sex shops to support that have truly sex positive practices, and that’s where I will be heading (and telling others to head there with me—see resource list below).
Jasmine
Resources:
• Good Vibrations- http://www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml
• Babeland- http://www.babeland.com/
• Venus Envy- http://venusenvy.ca/
• Smitten Kitten- https://www.smittenkittenonline.com/
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I disagree, on so many points, with the above post that tries to paint the business owner as the perpetrator and the criminal as the victim.
Jasmine asks if Amy needs to slap a person on the wrist for pursuing pleasure as if pursuing pleasure requires sex toys and stealing of same. Last time I checked, I didn't need to rob from someone to enjoy a rich sex life. And I do pretty well at it without toys too. Does your definition of pursuing pleasure exonerate thievery?
Then you chide her for mentioning the butt plug. But it's you who singles it out, while she simply lists all of the items the guy stole. Which of you is using that item to make a poitical point? I'd say it's Jasmine.
And hey, if you think sex toys are elitist and expensive? You need to check out the going price of accordians.
Your recommendation that she personally track down a thief and confront them face to face doesn't sound safe. And where would one draw that line? Is it only in the case of sex toys, or should I chase down someone who steals a major item, like a car? How about a rapist? Smother them with love and understanding too, because they are equally shaped by society having caused them to think sex is shameful?
And in closing; none of your alternative shops are part of this community. Not hiring people in our community, not paying taxes in our community.
I'll shop local, I'll support Pure Pleasure, and I'll respect a woman's right to defend herself and her property without being made to feel guilty for doing so.
Jasmine asks if Amy needs to slap a person on the wrist for pursuing pleasure as if pursuing pleasure requires sex toys and stealing of same. Last time I checked, I didn't need to rob from someone to enjoy a rich sex life. And I do pretty well at it without toys too. Does your definition of pursuing pleasure exonerate thievery?
Then you chide her for mentioning the butt plug. But it's you who singles it out, while she simply lists all of the items the guy stole. Which of you is using that item to make a poitical point? I'd say it's Jasmine.
And hey, if you think sex toys are elitist and expensive? You need to check out the going price of accordians.
Your recommendation that she personally track down a thief and confront them face to face doesn't sound safe. And where would one draw that line? Is it only in the case of sex toys, or should I chase down someone who steals a major item, like a car? How about a rapist? Smother them with love and understanding too, because they are equally shaped by society having caused them to think sex is shameful?
And in closing; none of your alternative shops are part of this community. Not hiring people in our community, not paying taxes in our community.
I'll shop local, I'll support Pure Pleasure, and I'll respect a woman's right to defend herself and her property without being made to feel guilty for doing so.
How about a rapist? Defend women's rights?
You are getting a little carried away. If you believe in shopping local or whatever then do so. But the point is to be critical of where you are shopping regardless of their community orientation. You blow the idea of confronting the 'perpetrator' way out of proportion and do not address the social utility of doing so. It seems you prefer your community to be 'safe' guarded by the police, sending people you don't understand or are afraid of (these would be criminals you talk about) to jail rather than understanding and addressing the underlying social issues. Jasmine makes solid points that deserve thought, and your reactionary criticism makes your points harder to appreciate. Yes, we should be careful with what situations we put ourselves in, but we should also come from a place of compassion towards people.
Ultimately, who cares?!! I think Amy and Pure Pleasure have been getting off on this whole thing to the extent that it is just ugly. If they are trying to recover their stolen items or the cost of them at least, that is understandable. But using this shoplifting case as PR and a platform for self expression is ignorant to the reality of the criminal justice system and the impact that has on a person's life. I will never again go into Pure Pleasure and am frankly disgusted with their behavior.
(And yes, I focus on Pure Pleasure because that is who/what is being talked about here, not the accused shoplifter)
You are getting a little carried away. If you believe in shopping local or whatever then do so. But the point is to be critical of where you are shopping regardless of their community orientation. You blow the idea of confronting the 'perpetrator' way out of proportion and do not address the social utility of doing so. It seems you prefer your community to be 'safe' guarded by the police, sending people you don't understand or are afraid of (these would be criminals you talk about) to jail rather than understanding and addressing the underlying social issues. Jasmine makes solid points that deserve thought, and your reactionary criticism makes your points harder to appreciate. Yes, we should be careful with what situations we put ourselves in, but we should also come from a place of compassion towards people.
Ultimately, who cares?!! I think Amy and Pure Pleasure have been getting off on this whole thing to the extent that it is just ugly. If they are trying to recover their stolen items or the cost of them at least, that is understandable. But using this shoplifting case as PR and a platform for self expression is ignorant to the reality of the criminal justice system and the impact that has on a person's life. I will never again go into Pure Pleasure and am frankly disgusted with their behavior.
(And yes, I focus on Pure Pleasure because that is who/what is being talked about here, not the accused shoplifter)
What? It's okay for you to use hyperbole to make your point, but not me?
I did blow the idea of confronting a perp. out of proportion...just as she blew the excusing of same out of the water. Society made him do it? Please. And no, I don't necessarily need my community guarded by police. Personally, I'd of handled him myself...but not with a hug.
I'm not afraid of a petty thief, but neither do I excuse or sympathize with him; particularly in this situation.
Stealing food? Okay. Repeated trips to rip off sex toys? My heart isn't going to bleed for him. Neither am I going to blame the "underlying social issues' or excuse them as the reason he went out to go rip off dildos. The criminal justice system didn't make him do that; he had free choice and he made a bad one.
Sorry, we have different realities.
I did blow the idea of confronting a perp. out of proportion...just as she blew the excusing of same out of the water. Society made him do it? Please. And no, I don't necessarily need my community guarded by police. Personally, I'd of handled him myself...but not with a hug.
I'm not afraid of a petty thief, but neither do I excuse or sympathize with him; particularly in this situation.
Stealing food? Okay. Repeated trips to rip off sex toys? My heart isn't going to bleed for him. Neither am I going to blame the "underlying social issues' or excuse them as the reason he went out to go rip off dildos. The criminal justice system didn't make him do that; he had free choice and he made a bad one.
Sorry, we have different realities.
interesting, Jasmine calls the sex toy industry elitist (and ostensibly Pure Pleasure), and then admits to being a customer. Strikes me as odd...
I wasn't aware of this story until reading it here on Indybay. Jasmine's take on how to deal with the thief conflates larger societal issues down to that single instant when the crime is actually being committed and what an appropriate response should be.
I'd be curious to know what Jasmine recommends when I see street level drug deals and blatant prostitution here in lower ocean. I'm open to all suggestions on how to get these situations under control in my neighborhood.
I wasn't aware of this story until reading it here on Indybay. Jasmine's take on how to deal with the thief conflates larger societal issues down to that single instant when the crime is actually being committed and what an appropriate response should be.
I'd be curious to know what Jasmine recommends when I see street level drug deals and blatant prostitution here in lower ocean. I'm open to all suggestions on how to get these situations under control in my neighborhood.
The person I see equating buttplug-gay-bad is you, not the shop. The shop listed a half dozen items stolen. You're the one who focused on the buttplug, and made the assumption that that is a "gay" toy and "gay" equates to a bad thing or a diss. Says who, other than you? Males and females use them, and nobody equated them with gay or wrong but you.
Check yourself before you go pointing fingers.
Check yourself before you go pointing fingers.
"Okay, this time I really am apologizing ;) I realize various parts of my recent post titled “I Caught the Sex-Toy Thief!” may have come across as more of an insensitive rant. My blog has now been revised, and I apologize if I offended anyone."
In reply to the comments above, maybe Amy updated her blog after Jasmine wrote this response.
In reply to the comments above, maybe Amy updated her blog after Jasmine wrote this response.
Hey there - This is relatively off the subject but I wanted to take a moment to respond to the "Lower Ocean Heights" poster as I believe s/he brings up a fair question - what to do about street level drug dealing and prostitution in his/her neighborhood?
I used to live on Grant St, near the so-called "asshole" of Santa Cruz. I had my fair share of run ins with unsavory characters: witnessed a bike being stolen, had two bikes stolen off my front porch, a random skinhead (dude was wearing a swaztika, if you can believe it), etc. Still, I also had some great times hanging out w/ neighbors, or at the park, or the little path adjacent to market street and the river, and all in all, I still like the area just fine.
The truth is, the "blight" that TBSC is so worked up about has a lot to do with the design of the neighborhood. Ocean Street is basically the gateway for tourists and commuters to get to the Boardwalk, downtown, or home, as quickly as possible. Just look at the businesses in that area - McDonald's, cheap hotels, Denny's, a gas station, a doughnut shop - Do any of these type of stores connotate high property value? I don't think so.
Lower Ocean as well as the other end of Ocean are the way they are because of zoning, and yes, also because there isn't an industrialized society that doesn't have an underground market for buying orgasms or getting high. You ask any of the monied locals who live on the Westside if they don't know someone who's had/has a coke habit or paid for sex at one point, and if they say no, they're either lying or really naive.
Pragmatic solutions for these "issues" then? As any progressively minded urbanite will tell you, there's no magic bullet, not as long as we live in a class based society where commerce is our highest aspiration. There are definitely city programs or non-state neighborhood organizations that can mitigate these issues - TBSC as well as Free Skool Santa Cruz offer examples of the latter, the question remains, which one of these has a long term vision for eliminating the capitalist model altogether, and which one just wants to keep things the way they are?
I used to live on Grant St, near the so-called "asshole" of Santa Cruz. I had my fair share of run ins with unsavory characters: witnessed a bike being stolen, had two bikes stolen off my front porch, a random skinhead (dude was wearing a swaztika, if you can believe it), etc. Still, I also had some great times hanging out w/ neighbors, or at the park, or the little path adjacent to market street and the river, and all in all, I still like the area just fine.
The truth is, the "blight" that TBSC is so worked up about has a lot to do with the design of the neighborhood. Ocean Street is basically the gateway for tourists and commuters to get to the Boardwalk, downtown, or home, as quickly as possible. Just look at the businesses in that area - McDonald's, cheap hotels, Denny's, a gas station, a doughnut shop - Do any of these type of stores connotate high property value? I don't think so.
Lower Ocean as well as the other end of Ocean are the way they are because of zoning, and yes, also because there isn't an industrialized society that doesn't have an underground market for buying orgasms or getting high. You ask any of the monied locals who live on the Westside if they don't know someone who's had/has a coke habit or paid for sex at one point, and if they say no, they're either lying or really naive.
Pragmatic solutions for these "issues" then? As any progressively minded urbanite will tell you, there's no magic bullet, not as long as we live in a class based society where commerce is our highest aspiration. There are definitely city programs or non-state neighborhood organizations that can mitigate these issues - TBSC as well as Free Skool Santa Cruz offer examples of the latter, the question remains, which one of these has a long term vision for eliminating the capitalist model altogether, and which one just wants to keep things the way they are?
Interesting thoughts on the Lower Ocean neighborhood. I agree with you about many of your observations concerning zoning and the result. However; equating Take Back Santa Cruz with Capitalism is a bit of a stretch don't cha think?
ah yes, good point. I'm not necessarily equating TBSC with Capitalism, I'm saying TBSC clearly lacks a class critique of Capitalism, which you'd think would go hand in hand with dealing with poverty, drug abuse, and sex work. But no, the narrative they offer is one of maintaining the hierarchical status quo, of "taking back" what was presumably theirs to begin with. Would TBSC support the re-establishment of a citizens police review board? How about more low-income housing? How about a rent-control ordinance or a city-wide livable wage? I think you know the answer.
politics in Santa Cruz has become increasingly reactionary and TBSC personifies this. this has partially to do with our local media's (namely the Sentinel) failure to fund any real reporting and instead focusing on crime, which is much cheaper. in the past five years, the Sentinel has fired it's unionized workers, retreated to Scots Valley, and decimated it's staff of reporters - It is no coincidence then that an organization like TBSC would emerge from such an environment.
finally, as capitalism continues to devolve into corporate feudalism (I've seen many newly homeless folks living in BMWs and Volvos around here), I'm more impressed with the work Santa Cruz Solidarity is doing, and yes, Free Skool Santa Cruz.
xoxo.
politics in Santa Cruz has become increasingly reactionary and TBSC personifies this. this has partially to do with our local media's (namely the Sentinel) failure to fund any real reporting and instead focusing on crime, which is much cheaper. in the past five years, the Sentinel has fired it's unionized workers, retreated to Scots Valley, and decimated it's staff of reporters - It is no coincidence then that an organization like TBSC would emerge from such an environment.
finally, as capitalism continues to devolve into corporate feudalism (I've seen many newly homeless folks living in BMWs and Volvos around here), I'm more impressed with the work Santa Cruz Solidarity is doing, and yes, Free Skool Santa Cruz.
xoxo.
We'd be a lot more impressed by those who share our critique of TBSC if you guys had the balls to use your real names! Don't be such cowards when confronting a group like TBSC who feeds on cowardice and fear.
Something very wrong is happening in Santa Cruz.
Disturbing data is available from the FBI (previously hosted by the US Bureau of Justice Statistics)
http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2009
Data is easily exported to Excel for analysis. 2009 crime stats by city show that Santa Cruz surpasses CA cities with most similar demographics (population, income, education level) by a large factor. Petaluma and Davis have nearly identical demographics, yet Santa Cruz violent crime rates are 2.7x to 3x. Santa Cruz aggravated assault rate is over 4x that of Davis. Santa Cruz leads in all categories.
Further comparison of Santa Cruz with blighted communities in California, using Compton as an example, shows that Santa Cruz violent and property crime rates per 100,000 population in 2009 surpass some of the worst areas in the state. (Compton is the FBI's 15th most dangerous city in the US in 2008)
Per 100,000-
Forcible Rape: Santa Cruz - 64; Compton - 38
Property Crime: Santa Cruz 5549; Compton - 3250
Larceny/Theft: Santa Cruz - 4393; Compton - 1443
Burglary: Santa Cruz - 830; Compton - 818
When comparing annual city police budgets across the state, cities with approximately 50,000 residents spent on average approx. 12 million dollars annually on police in 2005. In the same year, Santa Cruz spent approximately 18 million. Similar spending trends continue through 2010, with Santa Cruz spending approximately 50% more on policing than cities with nearly the same population.
There is a serious problem here.
on Sunday · · Report · Delete Post.
Disturbing data is available from the FBI (previously hosted by the US Bureau of Justice Statistics)
http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2009
Data is easily exported to Excel for analysis. 2009 crime stats by city show that Santa Cruz surpasses CA cities with most similar demographics (population, income, education level) by a large factor. Petaluma and Davis have nearly identical demographics, yet Santa Cruz violent crime rates are 2.7x to 3x. Santa Cruz aggravated assault rate is over 4x that of Davis. Santa Cruz leads in all categories.
Further comparison of Santa Cruz with blighted communities in California, using Compton as an example, shows that Santa Cruz violent and property crime rates per 100,000 population in 2009 surpass some of the worst areas in the state. (Compton is the FBI's 15th most dangerous city in the US in 2008)
Per 100,000-
Forcible Rape: Santa Cruz - 64; Compton - 38
Property Crime: Santa Cruz 5549; Compton - 3250
Larceny/Theft: Santa Cruz - 4393; Compton - 1443
Burglary: Santa Cruz - 830; Compton - 818
When comparing annual city police budgets across the state, cities with approximately 50,000 residents spent on average approx. 12 million dollars annually on police in 2005. In the same year, Santa Cruz spent approximately 18 million. Similar spending trends continue through 2010, with Santa Cruz spending approximately 50% more on policing than cities with nearly the same population.
There is a serious problem here.
on Sunday · · Report · Delete Post.
Lower Ocean Heights "interesting, Jasmine calls the sex toy industry elitist (and ostensibly Pure Pleasure), and then admits to being a customer. Strikes me as odd..."
Why should it strike you as odd? Even the homeless people here are elitists.
Crystal buttplugs... jeez.
Why should it strike you as odd? Even the homeless people here are elitists.
Crystal buttplugs... jeez.
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