Canada, Mexico, Cuba and Greenland Invade the US

It was Theodore Roosevelt that said “speak softly and carry a big stick.” The Trump version is “threaten, bully and hope that no one sees that you are a coward.” Realizing that the US president in only interested in money and attacking non-white people, the attacking coalition knows that he will prefer to “make a deal” rather than defend his country.

As hordes of fanatic Canadians stream across the northern border, Secretary of Defense Hesgeth is passed out under his desk in an alcoholic stupor.

Secretary Kristi Noem has activated her network of S&M hookers to service the invading armies. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt is preparing her first speech as Goebbels Press Secretary for the Canada-Mexico-Cuba occupation directorate.

Director of national intelligence Tulsi Gabbard has accepted a position of General in the Canadian military occupation zone. Trump is on his Qatari donated plane preparing to retire to one of his many palaces in the Arab world, well stocked due to his pre-positioned Middle East bank accounts. The rest of his cabinet is fighting among themselves to see who can flatter Trump enough to earn a seat on his plane, along with Clarence Thomas, the right kind of black man.

Coalition troops are enjoying initial military success. While ICE troops with assault guns can be quite intimidating to Latina women holding their toddlers, they quickly turn and run when confronted with actual soldiers, particularly those fierce Greenlanders.

Cuban troops are being met in Florida with cheering crowds and flowers when Floridians realize that Cuba might extend its national health care system to conquered peoples.

In the UN, The General Assembly has voted to expel the US as a nation no longer adhering to the human rights provisions of the UN charter.

Led by Palestine, the Security Council unanimously voted to lend all possible assistance to the coalition in the hope that its planned “detrumpification” will permit a once great nation to rejoin the civilized world.