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Indybay FeatureRelated Categories: U.S. | Environment & Forest Defense
President Obama's Genetically Modified White House Christmas Tree (Satire)
The State of Washington failed to pass a law requiring GMO foods to be labelled. Then they sent a Christmas Tree to the U.S. Capitol. Was that tree genetically modified and/or genetically altered? How about the Christmas Tree that the First Family will have inside the White House? Is this a Political Agenda to make us accept genetically modified and genetically altered foods? Why is Christmas being used in this way? Where is the separation of Church and State?
Once upon a time
a city in the State of Washington
gave a Christmas Tree
to the President of the United States,
only they didn't tell him it was genetically modified
and genetically engineered.
When the huge, tall and glorious Tree
got to Washington, D.C.
it's edges gradually turned from green
because it had DNA in it
from pink roses.
When people were allowed to enter
the special room with the highest ceiling
in the White House where the Tree
was to spend the last days of its life,
they walked by reverently, breathing deeply,
hoping to smell the scent of Christmas.
But President Barack Obama's Christmas Tree,
actually smelled like a Cherry tree
because it had cherry DNA in it.
President's Obama's beautiful daughters
noticed the little golden globules
on the top of the highest pine tree branches,
and they coaxed a Secret Service Agent
to climb up high on a ladder and bring
them moist chewy pieces of Pine Tree gum to chew.
First one girl, and then the other daughter,
became dizzy and started laughing hysterically,
which their mother, First Lady Michelle Obama,
failed to notice because that was ordinary
behaviour for teenage girls.
Little did they know that the Pine Tree
had been genetically altered with
magic mushroom DNA, and they would
continue to laugh all day, all Christmas Eve,
right through every Official Ceremony.
Suddenly, the Christmas Tree,
started singing Hannakuh Songs
because it had been genetically modified
and genetically altered with DNA in it from Kosher Knockwurst.
The Ambassador to a Very Important Budhist Country
refused to go near the Tree
because the number one fear of Budhists is that
Trees will be genetically altered and genetically
engineered with strands of human DNA;
and the Tree had a very good singing voice!
Then, very late at night, while everyone was asleep,
even President Barack Obama himself,
and his dog,
the Tree grew and grew
long, long, long roots
down to the basement of the White House,
creeping through cracks in the old antique
building, sliding past the Secret Service
who kept their eyes straight ahead and
didn't look down.
The White House Christmas Tree roots
strangled the security wiring devices
in the special basement Security Briefing
rooms of the White House
because it had invasive species DNA in it.
The invasive species vines continued to grow and grow
up and out through the special passageway from
the White House Security Briefing room in the
basement down the hall to the secret passages
to our Nation's military and intelligence facilities,
and out a rat hole up into the sunshine and
snowy ground, then
all the way around the White House,
and then the invasive roots came
in through the window
behind President Obama's
and started growing bright colored apples
of all kinds with different genetically modified
DNA for each apple color.
This was proof that the White House Christmas
Tree was genetically modified and genetically
engineered because normally, Christmas Trees
don't grow apples.
On Christmas morning,
President Barack Obama
decided he liked the chocolate apple the best
and ate it. He shared a red apple with his wife,
First Lady Michelle Obama, who took one bite
and started trying to lure him upstairs, claiming
she needed to change out of her nighty before
the tourists arrive and she needed help with
Their daughters ate blue and yellow apples
and opened their gifts under the Tree
with delight and glee, still giggling and
laughing from Christmas Eve.
And that is why the State of Washington,
and all States of the United States of America
should finally pass a law requiring all products
to be labelled if they have been genetically modified
or genetically engineered or both.