moments and thoughts from rally and sit-in against prop 8

i confusedly go through security, they ask me nothing, i rush upstairs and see lawyers in suits directing people towards the "marriage room" where the protest is taking place. inside the room is packed with people chanting "marriage is a human right", i find a seat and look around at old familiar faces...

the group, sitting in a circle, is singing songs about how they can get married in iowa but there is no freedom in california, and sharing histories about the civil rights movement and martin luther king. i wonder why they're not talking about bayard rustin, the gay man who taught mlk jr about non-violence...

i'm so swept up in the moment that i decide i'm going to stay and get arrested. i ask around and it seems like as many of half the people filling this room are planning on staying...

a couple, two women, one with cute short hair and a suit, the other a little more btch with shorts and a tshirt, goes up to the counter and asks for a marriage license. the person media moves in with their cameras and mic's. the person behind the counter says "i'm sorry, but-" and the crowd erupts in hisses and boos, underneath them i faintly hear something like "at this time we can only allow marriage licenses for a man and a woman". i wonder what makes the person behind the counter think she knows if either of them or men or women...

i go out to the rally, i finally find it on the other side of the building. its disappointing, there are only tens of people here. but i stay and the speeches are impassioned, beautfiful. MC flow performs a song accapella about the day prop 8 passed, which is awesome...

i start driving home, my meter had run out, to change my clothes and take off my makeup, and look less queer so as to be safer in jail, feed the dog and leave the key under the mat, preparing to get arrested. i stop to get pizza, my favorite meal as my last before a night or two in jail. by the time i get home, i realize all of the hugely important plans i have in the next two weeks, including a trip out of the country that i've already paid for, and helping a dear friend with a project we're working on and presenting in a week, that i would have to cancel to go to jail today. suddenly, having to go back to work, jail seems like almost a privilege...

tonight i read in the UT that all the sit-in-ers left peacefully and i'm totally disappointed again. maybe they all had the same thoughts i did, the same fears of violence in jail, work, responsibilities to other people. i can't blame them at all, since i left. but maybe, if i would've stayed, the conversation would've been different, maybe we could've all been stronger together. i'll never know.

in san francisco yesterday there were 150 arrests in protest of prop 8. if we're going to win these rights, we're not going to do it by asking nicely. the civil rights movement took years of sit-ins, civil disobedience, boycotts, beatings, riots, the black panthers having gunfights with the police, leaders like MLK getting killed, years and years of determined, hard, painful struggle. that is what its going to take to win this fight. we don't need to spend our time working on the next election, but doing non-violent-civil-disobedience trainings, practicing that moment of getting arrested, learning to go limp, learning to do jail support, finding financial resources for bail. if we're going to win this fight, its going to take another level of commitment and readiness that we don't have today. are we ready to do it? i hope so...

but its also going to take years of people taking the fight to every part of their lives, making music about it, telling their friends about it, the families, letting everyone know that our love will not be ruled by gender and we are never, ever going to accept being second class citizens.