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Nestle Waters & Westlands Irrigation District to Leverage “Evil Evil Economy of Scale”
Breaking news from http://stopnestlewaters.org: Anonymous sources revealed at an April 1 press conference that Nestle Waters of North America and Westlands Irrigation District have agreed to merge, forming a single multinational bent on world domination of water supplies.
April 1 Press Conference: Nestle Waters & Westlands Irrigation District to Leverage “Evil Economy of Scale”
by TC
Anonymous sources have revealed startling news at an April 1 press conference: Nestle Waters of North America and Westlands Irrigation District have agreed to merge, forming a single multinational bent on world domination of water supplies.
An anonymous Nestle source said the idea for the merger came about after a round of golf between the Westlands and Nestle corporate hit men operatives.
“Both groups were here to screw over the town of McCloud, which doesn’t take that much time, so we met for a game of golf.”
Water Hazards the Key
“There we were on the golf course, doing tequila shooters out of hollowed out golf balls and pumping the water hazards dry, and we suddenly realized that Nestle and Westlands had the exact same core competency — usurping local control of water supplies with destructive water extraction projects.”
“Why not simply join forces?
“After all, there’s an economy of scale to evil too.”
Industry Buzz
Industry watchers hailed the proposed merger as the biggest news to come out of the extractive industry since the 1872 Mining Act.
Industry analyst Chip Tanbark said “Westlands has long been a leader in profiting from taxpayer-subsidized water projects that never should have been built, and Nestle is the de facto leader in the privatization of water for their own profit.”
“Westland’s groundbreaking lawsuit forcing the American taxpayer to clean up their selenium poisoning mess and their draining of the Trinity for their own profit still rank as some of the ballsiest moves ever.”
“I still get goose bumps just thinking about them.”
Tanbark continued: “Combine that kind of proven market aggressiveness with Nestle’s intimidating legal prowess, international footprint, and absolute disregard for local populations - including breastfeeding children - and you’ve got a match made in heaven.”
Speculation about the operation’s new CEO was running rampant, though early frontrunners included Dr. Evil of Austin Powers fame, and Boris & Natasha, who had been at loose ends since ceasing their Moose and Squirrel eradication program.
Technorati Tags: nestle,westlands,water extraction,extractive industry,privatization of water,dr evil,boris and natasha,april fools
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by TC
Anonymous sources have revealed startling news at an April 1 press conference: Nestle Waters of North America and Westlands Irrigation District have agreed to merge, forming a single multinational bent on world domination of water supplies.
An anonymous Nestle source said the idea for the merger came about after a round of golf between the Westlands and Nestle corporate hit men operatives.
“Both groups were here to screw over the town of McCloud, which doesn’t take that much time, so we met for a game of golf.”
Water Hazards the Key
“There we were on the golf course, doing tequila shooters out of hollowed out golf balls and pumping the water hazards dry, and we suddenly realized that Nestle and Westlands had the exact same core competency — usurping local control of water supplies with destructive water extraction projects.”
“Why not simply join forces?
“After all, there’s an economy of scale to evil too.”
Industry Buzz
Industry watchers hailed the proposed merger as the biggest news to come out of the extractive industry since the 1872 Mining Act.
Industry analyst Chip Tanbark said “Westlands has long been a leader in profiting from taxpayer-subsidized water projects that never should have been built, and Nestle is the de facto leader in the privatization of water for their own profit.”
“Westland’s groundbreaking lawsuit forcing the American taxpayer to clean up their selenium poisoning mess and their draining of the Trinity for their own profit still rank as some of the ballsiest moves ever.”
“I still get goose bumps just thinking about them.”
Tanbark continued: “Combine that kind of proven market aggressiveness with Nestle’s intimidating legal prowess, international footprint, and absolute disregard for local populations - including breastfeeding children - and you’ve got a match made in heaven.”
Speculation about the operation’s new CEO was running rampant, though early frontrunners included Dr. Evil of Austin Powers fame, and Boris & Natasha, who had been at loose ends since ceasing their Moose and Squirrel eradication program.
Technorati Tags: nestle,westlands,water extraction,extractive industry,privatization of water,dr evil,boris and natasha,april fools
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