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Indybay Feature
BEES v. SUVS (video and pictures)
by Jason Meggs
Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
Bees swarmed an SUV in front of Boalt Hall School of Law on Sunday, June 3, 2007 in hopes of mobilizing immediate action by the human species. (Video, linked from youtube to save bandwidth here, is 6:25.)

(Berkeley, CA) Calling for an end to "mean ag" and car culture, and seeking that the human species join a growing planetary alliance for the protection of mother earth, bees swarmed an SUV parked in front of Boalt Hall in hopes of securing legal and policy help for their cause.

The bees, singing love songs for planetary harmony, announced a new era: "No More Mrs. Nice Bee."

Bees are refusing to pollinate crops until their demands are met. The recent disappearance of bees, they sang, is in protest of increasingly harsh conditions imposed upon them by corporate agriculture, and a growing concern that a wave of mass extinction will only accelerate in the near future without an immediate and drastic change in course. The bees put the blame squarely on the heads of humans, who they say have exhibited astoundingly poor planetary citizenship for over 2,000 years.

"We got the idea from the Rand corporation report on swarming, which focused on Critical Mass bicycle rides as a military tactic," said a cluster of buzzybooz. "We felt that if bicyclists are willing to brave offering an alternative in the face of, that we certainly can." The bee troop noted that groups of bicyclists are gathering to protest in opposition to the G8 this coming Friday in towns around the world.

"Immobilizing this SUV may seem insignificant," they admitted, "but it is a small taste of what is to come," referring to the overall bee strategy for compliance from Homo sapiens.

"Next we will target gas station pumps and even refineries and oil tankers," stated a spokesbee. The bees hope to leverage their potential impact by targeting particularly sensitive weak links in the petroleum-dependent "System of Destruction."

North American bee colonies have converged for the first annual "Sting the System Honeyfest" Apiary Action Camp, which kicked off with a tribute to Tom Robbins' Jitterbug Perfume, a novel in which bees hold the City of New Orleans captive in an allegorically similar, timeless drama of survival. "That guy understands us," said the Queen Bee, who hopes that more humans will obtain consciousness.

"Well, that'll keep me away from a car," admitted one passing American consumer.

"Good plan," said another passerby.

The Bush administration is expected to respond by issuing a code red terrorist alert, with the president vowing to see through new tax cuts for pesticides, sting-proof suits, and total eradication of the entire superfamily, Apoidea.

"I din' like bugs to begin with," he said.

Local sustainability advocates decried the Federal approach, saying it would lead to endless famine and suffering. "Like Einstein said: Without bees, we are lost. It's time to face the music and own up to our responsibility to earth," said Professor Buzz.

"They really are sweethearts. Just be nice to them. Seems like a reasonable request. Creatures treat you as you treat them," said Dotty Tomorrow, 6, of Berkeley, who hopes to be able to live on planet earth in the future.

For more information about modern carfree cities, visit and

For more information about bees, take a moment to appreciate flowers and the foods which fruit of them.

Caution: this story contains satire and artistic license. The video has been edited. The bees really are pissed, though.

by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by Jason Meggs Monday Jun 4th, 2007 3:46 PM
by jm Saturday Oct 6th, 2007 6:21 PM
Copy the code below to embed this movie into a web page:
Thanks for making video on demand available at Indybay!

p.s. Bet you're wondering if that baybeee bit that suv...
(would you?)

Comments  (Hide Comments)

by chp
Monday Jun 4th, 2007 5:08 PM
Where are the bees now?

Did the trunk of that vehicle look like a hive or have a particular smell?
by lovit
Monday Jun 4th, 2007 7:41 PM
aren't they gorgeous!?
by Wynd!
Monday Jun 4th, 2007 9:26 PM
Thanks for posting this. I wonder why they were there. I hope the people called you or were able to take car of the "problem" without hurting anyone.
by buzz
Monday Jun 4th, 2007 10:23 PM
usually a swarm will rest from anywhere between a couple of hours, to a couple of days ,until a permanent cavity of suitable conditions is found by the scout bees, at which time they take flight again and move on to the finale locale. very real and cleaver article, thanks

by public
Tuesday Jun 5th, 2007 12:36 PM
Wish all the news stories were as entertaining as that one.
by REPOST from Becky Thatcher
Tuesday Jun 5th, 2007 12:39 PM
Dear Bicycle Advocates,

You might be interested to know that there is an actual religion that
considers Critcal Mass to be a bona fide form of religious expression.
This religion, called Matrixism, has recently received significant
attention in the popular and academic press. Not only is Critical Mass
considered by Matrixism to be a form of spiritual expression but one of
its holy days is in fact named "Bicycle Day".

Believe it or not this association could end up providing serious legal
leverage for the Critical Mass protest/education movement especially in
the United States.

Among other things Matrixism is based on the movie trilogy The Matrix
and the writings of Aldous Huxley. In keeping with its grassroots nature
the URL for Matrixism is: .

If nothing else Matrixism is a very short and entertaining read. Please
pass this info along to anyone that you think may find it interesting.


Kim Mallet

PS If you would like to see popular and scholarly references to
Matrixism you can find them here:
by observer
Thursday Jun 7th, 2007 11:44 AM
Just when you thought there couldn't be any more controversy (haha), a blogger at the East Bay Express hints at yet another conspiracy theory: this time, it isn't the critical massers whose puppet strings are being pulled in a grand plan to terrorize the elderly and hoist their car up to crush their own expensive bicycles, no, this time bees are being deliberately placed in strategic locations! Is it true? Hrm. Worthy of further investigation.

by clarifier
Friday Jun 8th, 2007 4:43 PM
Just for those in the dark, Boalt Hall is the School of Law at UC Berkeley, considered an ivy tier law school and generally progressive and more likely to support public interest work than most (which ain't sayin' much).

That's so funny that the bees were in front of Boalt, right at the entrance. Truly prescient.
by Jumpin' Jellybike
Sunday Jul 8th, 2007 11:17 AM
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