Proof of Osama bin Laden's death was affirmed today

KABUL, Afghanistan


Proof of Osama bin Laden's death was affirmed today as the Kabul Public Library revealed that the mastermind of Al-Qaeda has failed to return borrowed items that are overdue by more than eight months.

"It's not like him to let materials go this far past due," reported Atwa Mohammed, head librarian. "Two years ago he became very upset because we fined him a few shekels for returning Pretty Woman a couple of days late. Now, a DVD copy of The Joy Luck Club and a Backstreet Boys CD are both way overdue. You want to talk about a serious fine -- ouch."

Bin Laden's demise was also confirmed by Columbia House, which has reported that bin Laden has repeatedly failed to take advantage of several "Buy one CD at regular club prices, take two CDs free!" member specials that have been offered to him this year.