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Indybay Feature

I Know All About These Kittens

by Jack Dog
Kitten Political Theory
kittenandpig.jpg
This kitten is an obvious forgery.
by Jack Dog
kitten_in_basket.jpg
by Jack Dog
kitten_ribbons.jpg
by Jack Dog
kitten_in_hands.jpg
by Jack Dog
kitten_on_desk.jpg
by Jack Dog
bandwkitten.jpg
by Jack Dog
So is that first kitten upset or constipated or what?
Posted by: Mason at September 12, 2004 09:03 PM

Bad kitties, all of them...But, so cute!
Posted by: VKW at September 12, 2004 09:18 PM

I'm George Bush, and I approve this message.
Posted by: George W. Bush at September 12, 2004 09:23 PM

These kittens have already said they want to raise our taxes. Any one of these kittens would turn the control of our armed forces over to the UN. Kittens want American service-people to be killed so that the French and the Germans can make money. All these kittens care about is foisting their liberal, homosexual agenda on God-fearing Americans. They hate Jesus, and somehow (this gets a little confusing) also the Jews, although they support Osama. They are pessimistic and stuck in the 60s.

Kittens: Evil.

Posted by: Virginia at September 12, 2004 10:18 PM

When are the kittens going to stand up to this whorish calumny and proclaim their essential fitness for cuddling? It is the kittens' opponent who flip-flops, who practices sensitive warfare, and who didn't earn his ribbons. Yet the SCLM barrages us with innuendo and outuasso about the kittens' faults. Come on Kittens, tell America who you are. Say it loud: I'm cute and I'm proud!
Posted by: Lemon Merengue at September 12, 2004 10:43 PM

The kittens are disorganized because kittens couldn't coordinate their way out of a yarn basket. They have no leadership skills; all they can do is hate. The electorate has much less concern for the content of the kittens' statments than for the symbolism inherent in their flag-wallowing behavior. Kittens do not understand the importance of symbolic strength. They seek meaning. America is about metaphoric catch-phrases. Intellectual depth is for the cultural elites. They hate us. Much like kittens.
Posted by: Virginia at September 13, 2004 12:34 AM

What does this kitten want to defend our country with? HAIRBALLS?
Posted by: Nick Simmonds at September 13, 2004 12:45 AM

What does this kitten want to defend our country with? HAIRBALLS?
Posted by Nick Simmonds
Some Hurricane self-victimizers, unappreciative of Chimpy's $2 billion Florida-is-a-disaster (and not just because they're too stoopid to vote right)-bill, might find this hilarious.

These same people might have been drinking heavily, and lord only knows their chronic-inhalation status.
Posted by: Virginia at September 13, 2004 01:00 AM

Those kittens lie far outside of the mainstream.
Posted by: JasonC at September 13, 2004 05:39 AM

These kittens are all clearly related to tigers (as well as being objectively pro-feline, of course) and where do tigers come from? Eh? Asia, of course. I think you know what I'm saying.
Posted by: Nick at September 13, 2004 07:12 AM

That these kittens are just standing there and taking this crap shows the essential moral bankruptcy of today's "reasonable", "moderate" kitten corps. It is the DUTY of every kitten to CLAW SOMEBODY'S EYEBALLS OUT! We need A HUNDRED MILLION kittens IN THE STREETS 24/7!

Posted by: Matt McIrvin at September 13, 2004 07:22 AM

Kittens and puppies are the same. They're both corrupt. The system is corrupt.

Vote ferret.

A.
Posted by: Athenae at September 13, 2004 08:15 AM

Those Kittens DID NOT spend Christmas in Cambodia.
Posted by: SBV for T at September 13, 2004 08:17 AM

You know very well that the Canine National Committee has been funding the ferret ballot drive. A vote for Ferret is a vote for Dog.
Posted by: Nick Simmonds at September 13, 2004 09:07 AM

If you pick the wrong kitten to take home with you, the danger is that you'll get clawed again and you'll be clawed in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of your couch's upholstery.
Posted by: norbizness at September 13, 2004 10:14 AM

What does this kitten want to defend our country with? HAIRBALLS?

Posted by Nick Simmonds at September 13, 2004 12:45 AM


I think some kitten's breaths would be quite dangerous to the enemy.
Posted by: Sunnie at September 13, 2004 11:04 AM

This kitten's irrational, frightening rage is poisoning our national discourse.
Posted by: Katherine at September 13, 2004 11:25 AM

This kitten does not understand that we are at war.
Posted by: Katherine at September 13, 2004 11:30 AM

A vote for Ferret is a vote for Dog.

Stop oppressing my right to free speech and participation in the process. If kittens ran a better campaign, you wouldn't even have to worry about ferrets.

A.
Posted by: Athenae at September 13, 2004 12:13 PM

These kittens can go $%!! themselves.
Posted by: Terri in VA at September 13, 2004 12:41 PM

There oughta be limits to kittens.
Posted by: Terri in VA at September 13, 2004 12:51 PM

If Strom Thurmond had been elected President in 1948, we wouldn't have had all these kittens over all these years.
Posted by: The Donkey at September 13, 2004 01:54 PM

Those damn homosexual kittens are DESTROYING the sanctity of marriage!!
Posted by: Petrouchka at September 13, 2004 02:00 PM

Why don't these kittens understand that the world changed after 9/11?
Posted by: Grotesqueticle at September 13, 2004 02:11 PM

These kittens couldn't fight their way out of a brown paperbag. Or from all appearances,fly a F-102. Hmmm..that's right, neither can George Bush.
Posted by: dave at September 13, 2004 03:30 PM

These Kitten are clearly going to raise your taxes
Posted by: olexicon at September 13, 2004 03:58 PM

Ha ha, stupid kittens, keep purring, because on November second, George's Ol' Pitbulls are gonna eat you faggots for breakfast!
Posted by: LittleGreenFascists at September 13, 2004 04:04 PM

How are there still this many kittens alive? I've been masturbating like nobody's business. I'm starting to believe that God's just phoning it in.
Posted by: apostropher at September 13, 2004 04:14 PM

Every time you vote for the Democrat party, Cheney kills a kitten.
Posted by: casey at September 13, 2004 04:17 PM

Those godless kittens believe they have 9 lives. They are un-Christian and will work to subvert our American values. Vote Dog in November!!
Posted by: Sunnie at September 13, 2004 04:33 PM

Did that little kitten lose its mittens while snowboarding in the FRENCH Alps? Developing...
Posted by: casey at September 13, 2004 04:48 PM

These kittens thank you all for your attention and will now return to their kitten existences (and one stuffed pig).
Posted by: John Isbell at September 13, 2004 05:07 PM

These kittens will put the whims of the United Nations before America's safety. A vote for kittens is a vote for another terrorist attack.
Posted by: wholly without merit john at September 13, 2004 05:30 PM

My family and I were on a West Coast flight last week, and there were fourteen kittens on board, seated in two groups. They kept going back to the litter box singly and in groups for the whole flight. One of them brought a Purina bag on board, and was passing it around, and when I made eye contact with another it glared at me and hissed. I'm sure it was a dry run.
Posted by: Doghouse Riley at September 13, 2004 06:36 PM

None of these very stupid kittens is willing to acknowledge the contribution to our economy made daily by eBay.
Posted by: maryh at September 13, 2004 08:29 PM

These kittens support the gay agenda. And are subservient to French and German interests.

Why do kittens hate America?
Posted by: LarryB at September 13, 2004 11:08 PM

I have here in my hand a list of two hundred and five kittens that were known to the Secretary of State as being members of the Communist Party and who nevertheless are still working and shaping the policy of the State Department.
Posted by: boloboffin at September 14, 2004 03:45 AM

The occasional newsletter from the organic food coop to which I belong came in yesterday with the sad news that Olive, the coop cat, died. Wish I could add the photo -- she was a noble, stripey, liony cat. Best of all, though she lived most of her life within 20 blocks of Bush the governor, she never voted for him, not even once.

"In the early 90's, a slim, shy kitty started hanging out in the back of the store. We started feeding her and coaxing her to come let us pet her. We named her Olive and took her to the vet for her shots'n'spay and she was ours...

Then, many years later, "She had been declining rapidly in recent weeks.... She had lost almost all her muscles and coud not really even stand up. She was only 3 pounds at the end...."

Still, she may have been as old as fourteen, not a bad age for a kitty who had come from the streets.

"We buried her in the backyard near our apricot tree. We placed her in a [coop] bag and sprinkled some catnip around her."
Posted by: Bean at September 14, 2004 01:06 PM

They hate us for our kibble.
Posted by: Kim at September 14, 2004 02:01 PM

I wish I lived in the day when you could challenge these kittens to a duel!
Posted by: Zell Miller at September 14, 2004 02:04 PM
by US president
The US president says Stop hurting the animals or using them as an excuse to invade Iraq you CIA' ers.
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