Pass the Petroleum (Jelly)

Most Americans know that gasoline today costs more than it ever has. I know, the economists among us will stand up and declare that in 1981, if you adjust for inflation, the price of gas was the equivalent to $2.81 a gallon. I detest this "adjusted for inflation" foolishness. That's the same mindset that outfits our vehicles with side-view mirrors bearing the message, "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear." That's absolutely unacceptable.

Besides, we'll surpass that benchmark for sure before Labor Day, maybe even by Memorial Day... Consider the record shattered. This supposedly has something to do with the fact that crude oil prices have spiked to $40 a gallon for the first time since 1990 (one can only wonder why these crises, shortages and price assaults always take place under Republican-led administrations). Arithmetically, though, that makes no sense. $40 a barrel is about 25 to 30 percent higher than it was in the Clinton era, yet the price of gasoline has more than doubled in some parts of the country.

Everyone knows that the refiners and producers of fuel are breaking a few records of their own right now when it comes to profits. This boom comes straight out of our post-tax earnings, and from the cash registers of businesses both small and large (although, as with taxes, the large ones are better able to take the hit).

It turns out that the credit and debit card companies are also raking it in, as the higher price per gallon means a bigger bite for the banks in terms of what the gas station owners pay to cash in on those little white slips with our signatures on them - surrender papers from the public, which doesn't have the cash to put in the tank anymore. And if the poor consumer can't pay the bill off in a month's time, the injurious price can be compounded by the insult of interest.

That's the way it goes. There's nothing to be done about it. You can't haggle with a merchant over the price of this particular commodity, any more than you can dicker with a restaurant about the price of a steak. If you want the steak, you have to shell out for it. The difference, however, is that if you can't afford the steak, you can always go with the pasta, or a salad, blaming the old paunch for your paucity of funds.

Still, how can we just shrug at the shocking, and largely unjustified, transfer of personal wealth from American families and businesses to those purveyors of fossil fuels, some of whom just happen to be badge-bearing fundraisers for President Bush, himself a dabbler in the oil trade? Let's not forget to mention the vice president (hint: his initials are D.C.) - himself the former head of an oil-industry company that, incidentally, is also earning billions of our tax dollars from war-related contracts in Iraq.

Sounds like propaganda, doesn't it? Blame Bush for everything. In Houston, where gas is still a buck-eighty, maybe it does come off that way, but visitors from "back home" who come a-visiting out West tend to get pretty riled up when they have to pay as much as $2.50 a gallon to fill up their rental cars (or worse, motor homes). They're finding out why our cab drivers are so surly, due to the fact that they're shelling out twenty bucks a day more than they did last year.

Here in the Valley, many of those who dwell in the outer settlements of fresh suburbia find themselves facing round-trip commutes of nigh a hundred miles a day. In a V8 powered SUV, even by the rosiest of estimates, that sucks up anywhere from five to ten gallons of gas. The average per-gallon price in Phoenix today is $2.15, so for simplicity's sake, say it costs between $10 and $20 a day, five days a week. That runs from $200 to $400 a month, call it between $2,500 and $5,000 a year.

Cut that money in half, since that was the going rate just a few years ago, and not much has changed except for the bankrolls of those refiners and producers who are so happily gouging us. Now take that half, stick some interest of your own onto it, and send your kid to college. Or buy yourself a boat, or a motorcycle, or the kind of grill Saddam Hussein used to enjoy. Sink it into the stock market. Maybe hire another employee, or give the ones you've got a raise - you know, to "adjust" them "for inflation".

So lucky we are, to be alive and working our asses off at this time and place in the world, in history. So fortunate we are that we can afford to withstand this rape to the extent that we have. It is to our credit, each and every American, that we can handle such a deficit, and not even one of our own making. As hardy as we are, think of how well off we might be, if only our leaders could fend off this insatiable addiction to the intoxicating fumes of unadulterated greed.