The Shining Light

The Curse of Controversy

Thomas is weary of controversy and strife. He was never made for it. How ironic since he used to be quick to find out where people stood on different doctrinal issues. He used to take pride in zeroing in on what someone believed so that he could measure it against what he held to be true. His was a zeal that was lacking in knowledge. He was focusing too much on differences rather than common ground.

He remembers the time when he went out to dinner with someone whose views on the baptism of the Holy Spirit were too much of a concern to him. It’s not that this topic or any other is not important, it’s that Thomas was making it too important. He was allowing another person’s views on the subject to affect how he viewed that person. To take it further, he might let a different viewpoint create distance, be it ever so small, between himself and someone else. He might feel the need to be somewhat separate from someone if they did not believe in quite the same way as he did on matters that are debatable.

Time and experience have changed him. He would rather not spend his time in pointless dialogue on non-essentials. He now finds solace in the words of Dr. Alexander Whyte: “Oh, the unmitigated curse of controversy! Oh the detestable passions that corrections and contradictions kindle up to fury in the proud heart of man! Eschew controversy, my brethren, as you would eschew the entrance of hell itself! Let them talk, let them write, let them correct you, let them traduce you. Let them judge and condemn you, let them slay you. Rather let the truth of God itself suffer than that love suffer. You have not enough of the Divine nature in you to be a controversialist.”

Thomas has no quarrel with those who say that controversy for the sake of truth is necessary at times. Perhaps the key is in how it is handled. The apostle Peter instructed the readers of his first letter to use gentleness and respect when they were asked to provide reason for their hope (I Pet. 3:16)

Sadly, gentleness and respect are often sorely lacking from discussions and debates. Courtesy and goodwill are too rare in disagreements. When controversy arises people may not only be deeply divided buy left with feelings of animosity.

Thomas once had a discussion with a friend that gradually, almost imperceptibly, took on a slightly agitated tone. Sensing what was happening he tried to back off a little, but it is difficult once you get caught-up with a topic that generates strong feelings. At such times, how important it is to act on the words of one of the wisest men who ever lived: “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out”(Prov. 17:14 NASB). Let a conversation take on a heated tone, get a little forceful in your views, and before you know it a quarrel breaks out. Let a little water out, and it’s like opening the floodgates. Better to stop a quarrel before it starts.

After the discussion with his friend, Thomas felt, though it was only slight, that temptation toward resentment, and a small desire – be it ever so small – to back away a little from the relationship. That is the problem with controversy. It can have a negative impact on our relationships.

F.W. Boreham suggests that a solution to controversy may be found in the first volume of John Wesley’s “Journal” July 5, 1748 – “We rode to Coningsby, on the edge of the Fens. Mr. B, a Baptist minister, had written to me at London to lodge with him. I was scare set down in his house before he fell upon the point of baptism. We came close to the question and kept to it for about an hour and a half. From that time we let the matter rest and confirmed our love towards each other.”

How beautiful and instructive! “We let the matter rest. We confirmed our love towards each other.” How foreign this may seem to many of us, and how far removed it may be from our actual experience. Even in the event that we could let the matter rest, there may be few of us that would have the strength of character to confirm our love for someone else. Nevertheless, Mr. Wesley has done us a favor by recording this incident. He has set before us a high standard. His experience beautifully illustrates that an intense discussion need not separate two people.

How we need the mindset that we find in the book of Proverbs: “Keeping away away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel” (Prov. 20:3 NASB). Some may think it cowardly to avoid or walk away from strife, but the Scriptures teach that this is a praiseworthy action. Not only is it an honor to avoid a quarrel; it is a way to preserve relationships.

Words that should never be spoken and that cannot be retracted are often said in the heat of an argument. Harsh words hurt and are not easily forgotten. Friendships can be destroyed in a matter of moments and sometimes lost forever. “It’s harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars.” (Prov. 18:19 NLT).

When you sense that a conversation is becoming strife that is the time to leave the matter. For at that point, the other person will most likely become defensive and your chances of persuading them of something will be greatly reduced. More important, when we engage in strife, we are doing something that God opposes.

Proverbs 6:16-19 teaches us that God hates the spreading of strife. It is an abomination to Him. The spreading of strife would include the person who takes a perverse pleasure in stirring up trouble. Probably most of us would condemn this, but do we create strife by being quarrelsome and contentious?

As Dr. Whyte has said, we have not enough of the divine in us, not enough love, to not be diminished by controversy. And John Wesley has shown us that we need to reaffirm our love when controversy threatens to divide us.

Love should be our priority in all of our dealings with others. For the Scriptures teach: “Do everything in love” (I Cor. 16:14 NCV).

This is fourth in a series of five articles. Next month, I will share some thoughts on pride and humility.