SCUFFLES AS HIV, WEST NILE PROTEST OVER SARS HYPE

WASHINGTON, DC --Scuffles broke out after a protest Sunday by viruses --aimed at countering SARS media dominance. Earlier HIV and West Nile viruses had gathered peacably in front of the White House to hear speakers denounce the media and SARS.
"Time to take a stand against this jumped up runny nose," an unidentified HI virus told the crowd to cheers. "Go back to the sewage you came from."

Earlier, at a press conference the media had come in for heavy criticism.

"We need balanced reporting of disease, a West Nile spokesvirus told reporters. "Fifty times as many people die from influenza and regular pneumonia worldwide in one day, than have died so far from SARS."

Viruses handed out press information packs detailing what they maintain are gross flaws in SARS diagnostic criteria. "SARS is not even a proper disease," the handout claims. "Take out those who later prove to be just ordinary pneumonia and you are left with a few hundred SARS cases."

"Even then, 96% of people with SARS recover. Ten times that many never get symptoms bad enough to seek treatment. Today, in Canada they just admitted that only half of cases have this pathetic corona virus. So the real fatality rate is probably 0.05%." reads the handout produced by the Joint HIV & West Nile Action Group.

STRUGGLING

"We are struggling. This may be curtains for AIDS," a dejected HI virus admitted to reporters. "Do you realize there were only 221 new Canadian cases of AIDS diagnosed in 2001. And, cases have declined every year from a peak of 1,759 in 1993. Where did it all go wrong? It's a distant memory from when HIV was getting this SARS level of publicity."

"Face it, every new disease, is gonna wipe the world out, thanks to you guys in the media. But look at HIV today, twenty years on. We never even managed to knock out the hookers. And that's a grim reality for an STD."

"But we could be a contender again. You gotta give us a fair media share."

Later, the protest meeting heard a West Nile speaker proclaim. "We West Niles are for the birds -and a few humans thrown in too. But we need the broad criteria that SARS enjoys. Cough and fever! That's gives SARS the lions share of the market. And look at HIV, they got cervical cancer, fer chrissake! That's not even immune system related. Clinical conditions should be shared out equitably between all viruses. We want decent conditions -we won't be fobbed off with ingrown toenails and nappy rash."

It was those comments about the wide range of medial conditions currently included as AIDS-defining which seemed to incense some of the HI viruses on the speaker's platform. Scuffles broke out among the viral representatives, as police moved in with disinfectant to restore order.

"Shaddup West Nile," roared an outraged HI virus as police led it away. "you're only petrochemical pollution you little MTBE gas additive jerk."

"Up yours," retorted a West Nile virus as the meeting broke up in disarray. "AZT killed all the queers. You're just false positives."






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