Freeway Fandanangos Ballet Troupe Launch Party (video & photos)

(Berkeley/Oakland/Albany/El Cerrito)
Dateline: Friday, January 11, 2008

Fueled by FUN, for three hours and then some, a mysterious and unidentified group of creatures on two wheels swarmed through east bay streets, descending upon gas stations; biking through McDonald's drive-throughs demanding vegetables (Asparagus, in particular); chalking messages including bicycle lanes on sidewalks and streets; dancing to tunes emanating from a swift and strong ebony Snuffleupagus; singing along to the "read a book/brush your teeth" and SCRAPER BIKE rappers' delights, Judas Priest ("Breakin' the Law"), and more; climbing fences to share the road with the privileged motor-masters of this country on the multibillion dollar unfreeway separating life from the oil-spill-soaked Bay Waters; swirling echoing cheers in underground parking lots and whooping through tunnels; making good friends; waving and encouraging passersby; dumpstering bags of hard baguettes and feigning a pirate sword fight on two wheels for miles on end with the long crusty pan, recruiting fine folk at bus stops to join in the chaos; and, to be but(t) brief, MORE.

Two flags were burned on Telegraph Avenue by a lone marauder, commonly referred to as Your Next Mayor. The act confounded authorities who view the flag as their First Diaper. Y.N. Mayor's action was augmented by a bell-jingling chap who enjoyed skidding through the flames, and cheering bystanders, one of whom found it pleasurable to drape the flaming rag this way and that to best adorn the asphalt aglow.

An open microphone captured the spirit of all who loved raise their voice. A mom walking with her two kids on Solano Avenue gleefully proclaimed on the loudspeaker that Critical Mass bicycle rides uplift her and bring joy to her city. Note: Those on two wheels who did not wish to speak were chased and their cries of distress broadcast via microphones brandished in the outstretched arms of those who chased them. Casual diners in storefront windows cheered and waved.

In honor of global climate change and the endless fun weather in store for a world's people on the verge of suffering beyond comprehension, the aggregated mass of tufts as in cotton (super flocculus) swirled in major intersections, a bike tornado, a bike hurricane, a bike windmill and weather vane, to dispel the hard rain. Using bicycles in motion as a banner of multitudinous meaning, the spoken word broke through the mesmerizing merry-go-round music to tell of torture at Guantanamo Bay, of avoidable catastrophe, of modern complicity in mayhem of the most major scale.

As an antidote to sickness of war, health-promoting organic orange juice was wielded as faux anti-car missiles from dance lines across the bike ped bridge, whilst flashing lights engaged drivers below to move beyond their fuelish ways.

The Freeway Fandanangos, mythical hard core bicycle terrorist bedouins known for 80 mph ride hitching through the Arizona deserts, have lent their name to this inaugural event. Lane splitting ballet unfurled in future tale.

Despite the best efforts of privacy buffs and modern Luddites, a video recording device was sometimes used and the mangled results of it deign to implore your senses to think beyond the box. No video is ever a complete rendition of what occurred.

SPECIAL FUN PACK!

For those wishing to recreate this chaos for their own fun, the official Playlist will be available soon, along with a step-by-step rally race so anyone can recreate this magical night for themselves. Fun for the whole family!

HISTORY BUFF DELIGHT!

For those hoping to make sense of right wing rhetoric which seeks to crush the spirit of those who would live free in love for one another and this precious earth (even though it has perhaps only 5 billlion years of sun to go, they duly dance and proclaim it is worth preserving in all its glory great and small until then), a special historic background which relates to this first such collective (un)freeway ride in over 14 years my be worth a gander. Clearly the evening's theme included a righteous reclamation of a hefty chunk of equity in motion. Riparian reparations onna roll sweet devotion.

Enjoy:

http://www.bikesummer.org/1999/results/berkeleyCriticalMass.htm