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McWilliams' Last Words: No Retreat, No Surrender
"I refuse to allow the govt. to control my life. That's what so much
of this has been about - my right to use a medicine that worked for
me."
of this has been about - my right to use a medicine that worked for
me."
STEVE MC WILLIAMS' LAST WORDS: NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER
Barbara MacKenzie writes:
You have both the family and my permission and deep appreciation for
insuring that Steve's last desperate act be heard and that work be
started immediately to see that all patients, in all states with
medical marijuana laws, have the right to use their medical marijuana
as directed by their physicians with no further delay.
Congress can act Now. They have shown their ability to move fast and
hold special sessions for issues and people that they feel are facing
grave danger. The truth about medical cannabis has been deliberately
twisted, distorted and outright lied about.
Patients are dying, incarcerated, families destroyed because of
powerful interests that fear the loss of their profit margin if the
people are able to grow their own medicine and care for themselves.
Steve's health improvement on medical marijuana was only one of
countless thousands. That medical marijuana works is a known fact to
those countless thousands, their families, and health professionals.
The overwhelming majority of people in this country strongly approve
of medical marijuana. The democratic process requires action now. I
am confident that Congress will respond as I will be going there to
tell them of their responsibility to do so.
*
The text of Steve's message will follow a brief background regarding
events that preceded Steve's death.
Over the past year, both of our health conditions declined
significantly. Steve's headaches not only became a daily occurrence,
but increased in severity, dominated by hours of sleep due to the
pharmaceutical medications that only minimized the pain, very rarely
was he free of a headache. The nausea & vomiting became the norm,
yet Steve pushed on.
His doctor worked hard to help, fighting for the right to use Marinol
for pain, despite it's high cost. After the lose of our Marinol for
two months in early 2004, she worked with the chief pharmacist to
educate him about cannabis and Marinol and the Marinol was
restarted. Steve's latest Marinol bill was close to $16,000
By early spring the pain/functioning level of our pre-cannabis days
returned Steve spent much of his time asleep or lying on his side
watching TV. Walking the dogs and working in our flower garden were
his only activities. He continued to go to City Council. His last
visit was on June 28, 2005 to ask the City Council to help implement
the collective aspect of the guidelines and help secure a property
for such. I will continue to push on that front.
Preceding his death, he had been hospitalized, for taking too many
pain pills due to confusion. Neurology and psychiatric consults were
done and appointments were made to address the severe increase in
pain. There was hope of at least some relief. Steve left the
hospital on July 8, 2005. He was weak, but in good spirits and
improved after coming home. He was awake, but ready to go to sleep
when I went to bed on Sunday night. During the night, I checked to
see that he was sleeping, which he was. When I woke in the morning,
I found him and the following note.
The judge he mentions in the letter is the judge who restricted our
medical marijuana, then refused to change that condition of the bond
after the positive December 2003 9th Circuit Raich decision. His
attorney tried all legal avenues.
STEVE MCWILLIAMS LAST WORDS
July 10, 2005
Dear All,
This is my time to say goodbye to you. I came to California and San
Diego to celebrate life and health with the right to use marijuana
for my pain and suffering. But the law that was supposed to protect
patients like me has been turned on it's head so that no patient can
fell safe ever again. Taking the methadone was only supposed to shut
down the pain from the headaches which lately have been very bad. I
wanted to stop the pain but that got out of control too. I didn't
realize what I was taking. I just wanted the pain to go away. But
now, with everything that happened I know I will never be whole again.
I am an advocate and activist for a good cause - my good health. As
an activist I believe in acting when the time is right. To be an
impeccable warrior - I believe that my actions - of not being here-
can help move the discussion of medical marijuana back to what's good
for the patient without the DEA telling us what medications we can
use.
Judge Reuben Brooks is a wretched, evil little gnome who thinks he
can practice medicine and tell me what medications I can take. After
last week I expect to be called to the Federal Courthouse or
somewhere to talk about my use of methadone. I cannot allow the
government to decide what drugs I must take. It's my life. I had
intended to see my Dr. Geanacou who has been the best doctor I've
ever had.
I am gone now. I didn't want to wake and worry Barbara - she has no
idea that I'm gone. This was my last chance to help the medical
marijuana movement and others that I care about. None of this was
ever planned by me - no one knew what I was set out to do. After
last week my mind and body have not been the same. Thinking is much,
much more difficult. I still feel very dizzy and nauseous. I know
that I will not be able to recover to the pain level I was at before.
I have been hurt by last week and that was just an accident. I
believe now though that I will be locked up in some kind of cell.
I refuse to allow the govt. to control my life. That's what so much
of this has been about - my right to use a medicine that worked for
me.
As an activist I've given everything to the cause - all my
possessions, my time and my life. You can't give more than that.
NO Retreat
NO Surrender
Love Steve
Barbara MacKenzie writes:
You have both the family and my permission and deep appreciation for
insuring that Steve's last desperate act be heard and that work be
started immediately to see that all patients, in all states with
medical marijuana laws, have the right to use their medical marijuana
as directed by their physicians with no further delay.
Congress can act Now. They have shown their ability to move fast and
hold special sessions for issues and people that they feel are facing
grave danger. The truth about medical cannabis has been deliberately
twisted, distorted and outright lied about.
Patients are dying, incarcerated, families destroyed because of
powerful interests that fear the loss of their profit margin if the
people are able to grow their own medicine and care for themselves.
Steve's health improvement on medical marijuana was only one of
countless thousands. That medical marijuana works is a known fact to
those countless thousands, their families, and health professionals.
The overwhelming majority of people in this country strongly approve
of medical marijuana. The democratic process requires action now. I
am confident that Congress will respond as I will be going there to
tell them of their responsibility to do so.
*
The text of Steve's message will follow a brief background regarding
events that preceded Steve's death.
Over the past year, both of our health conditions declined
significantly. Steve's headaches not only became a daily occurrence,
but increased in severity, dominated by hours of sleep due to the
pharmaceutical medications that only minimized the pain, very rarely
was he free of a headache. The nausea & vomiting became the norm,
yet Steve pushed on.
His doctor worked hard to help, fighting for the right to use Marinol
for pain, despite it's high cost. After the lose of our Marinol for
two months in early 2004, she worked with the chief pharmacist to
educate him about cannabis and Marinol and the Marinol was
restarted. Steve's latest Marinol bill was close to $16,000
By early spring the pain/functioning level of our pre-cannabis days
returned Steve spent much of his time asleep or lying on his side
watching TV. Walking the dogs and working in our flower garden were
his only activities. He continued to go to City Council. His last
visit was on June 28, 2005 to ask the City Council to help implement
the collective aspect of the guidelines and help secure a property
for such. I will continue to push on that front.
Preceding his death, he had been hospitalized, for taking too many
pain pills due to confusion. Neurology and psychiatric consults were
done and appointments were made to address the severe increase in
pain. There was hope of at least some relief. Steve left the
hospital on July 8, 2005. He was weak, but in good spirits and
improved after coming home. He was awake, but ready to go to sleep
when I went to bed on Sunday night. During the night, I checked to
see that he was sleeping, which he was. When I woke in the morning,
I found him and the following note.
The judge he mentions in the letter is the judge who restricted our
medical marijuana, then refused to change that condition of the bond
after the positive December 2003 9th Circuit Raich decision. His
attorney tried all legal avenues.
STEVE MCWILLIAMS LAST WORDS
July 10, 2005
Dear All,
This is my time to say goodbye to you. I came to California and San
Diego to celebrate life and health with the right to use marijuana
for my pain and suffering. But the law that was supposed to protect
patients like me has been turned on it's head so that no patient can
fell safe ever again. Taking the methadone was only supposed to shut
down the pain from the headaches which lately have been very bad. I
wanted to stop the pain but that got out of control too. I didn't
realize what I was taking. I just wanted the pain to go away. But
now, with everything that happened I know I will never be whole again.
I am an advocate and activist for a good cause - my good health. As
an activist I believe in acting when the time is right. To be an
impeccable warrior - I believe that my actions - of not being here-
can help move the discussion of medical marijuana back to what's good
for the patient without the DEA telling us what medications we can
use.
Judge Reuben Brooks is a wretched, evil little gnome who thinks he
can practice medicine and tell me what medications I can take. After
last week I expect to be called to the Federal Courthouse or
somewhere to talk about my use of methadone. I cannot allow the
government to decide what drugs I must take. It's my life. I had
intended to see my Dr. Geanacou who has been the best doctor I've
ever had.
I am gone now. I didn't want to wake and worry Barbara - she has no
idea that I'm gone. This was my last chance to help the medical
marijuana movement and others that I care about. None of this was
ever planned by me - no one knew what I was set out to do. After
last week my mind and body have not been the same. Thinking is much,
much more difficult. I still feel very dizzy and nauseous. I know
that I will not be able to recover to the pain level I was at before.
I have been hurt by last week and that was just an accident. I
believe now though that I will be locked up in some kind of cell.
I refuse to allow the govt. to control my life. That's what so much
of this has been about - my right to use a medicine that worked for
me.
As an activist I've given everything to the cause - all my
possessions, my time and my life. You can't give more than that.
NO Retreat
NO Surrender
Love Steve
Add Your Comments
Comments
(Hide Comments)
One of our patients down in the war. Multiply this times thousands...tens of thousands of other patients out here and how many stories, subjective and anecdotal or not, are not being heard by our govt.
That despair and total depression finally took this fine warrior out of our war, is a major loss to all of us.. .a crime against patients and citizens of this country
Don't lose hope, though, my comrades. Don't give up. Stay in contact w/ASA and other organizations that can help...build up your personal contacts. You don't need to suffer in silence and alone!
God Bless Us All.
Nan
That despair and total depression finally took this fine warrior out of our war, is a major loss to all of us.. .a crime against patients and citizens of this country
Don't lose hope, though, my comrades. Don't give up. Stay in contact w/ASA and other organizations that can help...build up your personal contacts. You don't need to suffer in silence and alone!
God Bless Us All.
Nan
For 13 years ive suffored with chronic pain/ myofacia complex fibromyalgia, degenerative disc
the first 5 yrs included 1surgery and 2 lorcet a day.the next 4 I was given methadone 20 or 30mg a day I ate my guts out on nsaids. I was considered a cook drug user, only my fairly prominent position in life as a buisness owner, family man,religeous leader gave enough clout to warent some respect when I finally found a dr who would help he was killed in a car wreck the next year. I vowed to never give in also for 9 years I raised my family etc but lived every day with a terrible pain that eventually engulfed my whole right side...I was forced to sell my 1/2 of my business as I could no longer cu the mustard. Now I worry every month that it will be the one I can't get a refill of rxs I have pretty good pain controll now with a duragesic patch the drs and pharmacy say "I know you think you ned this much medication but you can't. the nice thing about having a terminal illness is you rarely live for 13yrs with it.....to me the amount of meds I use is very small when one considers proper titration every one to two years for tolerance build up. with MM and other easily accessed pain meds I could still have a life as it is my part time county job helps but with 2 kids left to finish raising and 2 in college we are faced with loosing our home oh yes I cannot get disability SSD because I could stuff dolls for a living and bush would rather spend my social security fighting a war that only God can end. John C Traughber
the first 5 yrs included 1surgery and 2 lorcet a day.the next 4 I was given methadone 20 or 30mg a day I ate my guts out on nsaids. I was considered a cook drug user, only my fairly prominent position in life as a buisness owner, family man,religeous leader gave enough clout to warent some respect when I finally found a dr who would help he was killed in a car wreck the next year. I vowed to never give in also for 9 years I raised my family etc but lived every day with a terrible pain that eventually engulfed my whole right side...I was forced to sell my 1/2 of my business as I could no longer cu the mustard. Now I worry every month that it will be the one I can't get a refill of rxs I have pretty good pain controll now with a duragesic patch the drs and pharmacy say "I know you think you ned this much medication but you can't. the nice thing about having a terminal illness is you rarely live for 13yrs with it.....to me the amount of meds I use is very small when one considers proper titration every one to two years for tolerance build up. with MM and other easily accessed pain meds I could still have a life as it is my part time county job helps but with 2 kids left to finish raising and 2 in college we are faced with loosing our home oh yes I cannot get disability SSD because I could stuff dolls for a living and bush would rather spend my social security fighting a war that only God can end. John C Traughber
the hardest part is like me your condition is mostly invisible I have fibro and myofascial pain and tmjd(need double jooint replacements). poeple look at you and there is nothing that looks like their is an issue on the outside so it is "why can't you just.....................
Walk a mile in another person's shoes.
Walk a mile in another person's shoes.
I'm happy to see so much positive propaganda supporting my fathers cause. Obviously the fear that was embeded into patients is fadeing, enough at least for county commisioners to come out of the closet about there pain, and ways of pain managment. This is a huge step ( in this curupt society ) A huge step that my father felt the need to kill himself for.
Thank you to everyone that stood next to my father during his battles. And to everyone that stands beside Barbara now during this war. Your dedicated efforts prove that my fathers death wasn't for a dieing cause. I beleive he could have done many more great things to benifit his pasionate cause. However a pasionate marter for a father is somehow better then a father that was never pasionate about anything.
I have a brand new baby boy, who will know that to die for a cause is better than to die never haveing had a cause at all.
I love you barbara, thanks for continueing the fight.
NO SURRENDER
NO RETREAT
Thank you to everyone that stood next to my father during his battles. And to everyone that stands beside Barbara now during this war. Your dedicated efforts prove that my fathers death wasn't for a dieing cause. I beleive he could have done many more great things to benifit his pasionate cause. However a pasionate marter for a father is somehow better then a father that was never pasionate about anything.
I have a brand new baby boy, who will know that to die for a cause is better than to die never haveing had a cause at all.
I love you barbara, thanks for continueing the fight.
NO SURRENDER
NO RETREAT
Get up stand up, stand up for your RIGHTS! I don't think anybody could have said it better then BoB. It's said that Steve and to take his own life to make that point to other people though. I thank Steve and Barbara for everything they have done for the medical marijuana community. I am here as a patient with the same migraine pain as Steve and I can't sleep for weeks thanks to the insomnia but I'm here to support the cause and help Barbara continue where Steve left off. If I can help in any way please don't hesitate to contact me eddielugan [at] yahoo.com God Bless and I hope that the government will stop keeping patients from what they need, their MEDICINE!
Eddie Lugan
eddielugan [at] yahoo.com
(760)277-4059
A Medical Marijuana Patient Under CA Prop.215 & S.B.420
Realtor/Real Estate Agent & Loan Officer
Eddie Lugan
eddielugan [at] yahoo.com
(760)277-4059
A Medical Marijuana Patient Under CA Prop.215 & S.B.420
Realtor/Real Estate Agent & Loan Officer
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