Untitled Generic Article

Untitled Generic Argument
By James Higgins

One expectation it appears everyone has misplaced when The Passion of the Christ is called into question is the expectation of just seeing a good movie. Have we all completely forgotten what kind of a chore it is to go to a cinema these days? Seriously people, I think we are all in line to have our heads examined if we are willing to pay in excess of $30 to see if Mel Gibson is an anti-Semite. I used to tell people when I was feeling cheap that “I wouldn’t pay x-amount of dollars to see the second coming of Christ”. I can tell you right now that $30 is definitely worth seeing his death. This I will pay to see. Don’t anyone go and have a conniption fit now. I am only saying what no one else has the guts to say. Isn’t that why everyone is going to see this thing? (Note: as of 3 March 2004, the author has not seen The Passion of the Christ, and is not writing a review.) I am not a Religious Sciences major or anything, but as far as I can tell, the hoopla surrounding Melrooney’s new concoction is stemmed not from the fact that he was killed, but from the fact he was executed, and quite gruesomely at that. Slice it anyway you like, but nobody is arguing how his life was filmed- because that’s not what the movie is about. Nobody is arguing the resurrection of Lazarus scene- because that’s not what the movie is about. So it serves for nothing more than an illustration of morbid curiosity from anyone who buys out an entire theatre so that they can see this thing.

Once again, I hold absolutely zero clout on this matter and that is where I am most comfortable, but my major worry here is that people aren’t going to the movies anymore for the thrill of seeing a well made movie. I mean, I have never seen such PR over political and theological groups taking out entire theatres to collectively see any movie. Why now? Well my first guess is because it’s a class assignment. Checking out the latest flick is now on a political agenda. I hate to bust your kiwis Dubya, but you just sent your boys off to play with Haitian rebels, and anyone should care what you do on your spare time? Haiti or God flick? Haiti or God flick? I mean, it is a pretty wide gap to tie together in one national report. Let alone in one day at the oval office. And the boys and girls from the Simon Wiesenthal Center aren’t any better. The idea of publicizing the distaste you guys and your friends (beispiel: Reno, Gore, Cheney, Anti-Defamation League) have for a movie does nothing but bless the pocket books of whoever shelled out for the production. Honestly, anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows how to attract attention, and if those who do so are BAD then why give them the time of day? It’s like in school, if kids picked on you, you did not help your situation by giving them the reaction they wanted.

I have some unrealistic noodle-scratchers for anyone who has seen the movie The Passion of the Christ since it opened two days ago. How was the cinematography? How was the set construction? How well were the characters portrayed? I mean presume for a second that the characters and events portrayed in this film were figures of Gibson’s own creation. Do you feel the actors and actresses carried across their characters’ messages to the audience effectively? I’m sorry, but in the defense of a wounded and flightless film industry, it would nothing short of breathe precious new life into the movie-going experience to go and watch the movie, and listen to it. Instead, the social perspective is to see and hear, maybe observe the movie, watch for certain triggers in the screenplay, and then engage in several arguments that collectively defend the same point. Mel Gibson didn’t do it right. I know that, and I haven’t even seen it yet. Why can I make that presumption? I know that Mel Gibson’s idea of how the story goes and my idea of how the story goes are two different things. If it were possible two acquire interpretations from six-billion people, every last one would be ever so much more different than the next, ever so much so that it is worth getting angry over.

News flash: a 50-year-old woman suffers a fatal heart attack while watching Passion’s crucifixion scene. ONE: nobody has any sympathy for those who were last seen smoking at the gas pump. TWO: anyone who tries to associate Ms. Peggy Law’s death with Christ’s execution is insanely out of touch. At any moment, there are over a million reasons one person could die from a heart attack. This is another attempt of mixing science and faith in an attempt to blame somebody. I am not completely inconsiderate but I chastise those who scramble blindly for closure in a moment of grief, inevitably becoming ignorant of those we are grieving for. Now, with all the murders and vehicular homicides, terrorism and genocide, short of the obituaries this is as news worthy as this poor woman’s death is every going to get. Let her rest now and get on with your lives.

One debate that is still steaming on the lawn is what effect the theological overtones will have on a slasher-flick. NONE! Precisely zero! Absolutely nothing can dull a movie chock full of unmitigated gory goodness. When you take a story about love, faith, and endurance and cover it in guts, the meaning is drowned and all intimacy is mangled. We deny to ourselves, but it is still painfully obvious: gratuitous violence, profanity, and sex do not make people take us seriously. Look what happened with Evil Dead. The modus operandi is to have everyone see Christ’s death as the most painful and excruciating experience to ever behold, then people will take it more seriously. Well let’s see, what is a really exotic and humiliating way to die? Well, there’s crucifixion. Crucifixion carries with it a symbolic tone. Couldn’t imagine people hanging rocks from their necklaces, now could we? Okay so crucifixion is in. Strap him to the cross and- wait a minute! Nail him to the cross! We could add a crown of thorns… and a spear; make them (Jews, Romans, Raelleans, Hari Krishnas, whatever) skewer him with a spear. We know how it goes, and it was painful to listen to in grade school. Nobody had to put it on screen. Run through that spa treatment one more time. Ouch! I tell you, when I was about seven, I definitely took notice to Christ’s suffering. Now it is on screen. Why is it on screen? Well, why did Peter Jackson try his luck in Middle Earth? The Lord of the Rings… wow, now that’s really something. If we toss hundreds of millions in the air on this one, maybe we’ll get lucky. Other than fantasy, which carries with it the opportunity to exploit the latest in computer animation, what else could wrench these people into theatres? God can. Wait… I have another one coming… the death of the son of God. Anyone would lap up that kind of gratuitous exploitation.

On the week of 22 February, 2004 the world was privy to this film epic. The film was met with mixed reviews. Firstly, did anyone see a connection between “Passion” and Titanic? Maybe in the fact that we all knew how it was going to end. What suckers we are. One is left to wonder what is next. On the horizon, one can see a host of budding filmmakers building steam with their own biblical epics. At least one will be a complete assault on Passion. Really though, what would that say? What would any other unprecedented biblical epic be sure to accomplish that no other has? Well, if they keep trying to cram 200 people in 105 person cinemas and continue inflating ticket prices, the New Testaments will definitely gross more. However, the target audience for this kind of show is still the same as it was when The Ten Commandments was immortalized. The faithful, the skeptical, the fanatical, and the vaguely curious (me- author) will cram the theatres, hound the cheapie show houses a few months later, or wait for the rental a few months after that; everyone else will carry on until the next sensation stops time. Unfortunately, the sad prediction for our mythological characters is that they will become overused and formless, like the mafia bad boys did (I mean the Hollywood-made boys), and they will slowly fade out of existence completely. Everything runs its course. Hollywood has been fighting for air in a black pool for ten years now and it shows.

One final prediction: With the Christ’s execution to finally have been sensationalized the way it has always deserved, we have not seen everything; but we will get there very soon.