If I did it

I'm going to tell you a story you've never heard before, because no one knows this story the way I know it.

It takes place in the year 2003, and it concerns the murder of 5,000 Americans and 650,000 people in Iraq.

I want you to forget everything you think you know about that year, because I know the facts better than anyone.

I told you a number of lies which included:

"Iraq has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes which are used to enrich uranium for nuclear weapons."

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

"I believe Saddam has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons."

"The CIA possesses solid evidence of senior-level contacts between Iraq and al-Qaeda going back a decade."

"I've learned that Iraq has trained al-Qaeda members in bomb-making and poisons and deadly gases ... Alliance with terrorists could allow the Iraqi regime to attack America without leaving any fingerprints."

"I have also discovered through intelligence that Iraq has a growing fleet of manned and unmanned aerial vehicles that could be used to disperse chemical or biological weapons across broad areas. We are concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these unmanned aerial vehicles for missions targeting the United States."

"I have seen intelligence over many months that they have chemical and biological weapons, and that they have dispersed them and that they're weaponized and that, in one case at least, the command and control arrangements have been established."

"My conservative estimate is that Iraq today has a stockpile of between 100 and 500 tons of chemical weapons agent. That is enough to fill 16,000 battlefield rockets."

"I know where Iraq's WMD are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat."

"Yes, I found a biological laboratory in Iraq which the UN prohibited."

"The uranium from Africa lie was exposed by Wilson so I had to discredit him and expose his wife by sending Libby out to tell the press."

"Libby’s lies were a cover up for my illegal and treasonous actions."

"I commuted Libby’s sentence to buy his silence and cover up my guilt."

"If I did this…the above is what happened."