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Indybay Feature

Operators For TIPS Standing By

by TJ Johnston, PoorNewsNetwork
Critiquing with satire, PNN's TJ Johnston writes a recruiting ad for the proposed snitch program in the "war on terror." http://www.poormagazine.org/index.cfm?L1=news&story=898&pg=1
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Are you a delivery person, cable installer or meter reader? Does your job take you to other people's residences? Have you witnessed any unusual, suspicious terrorist-related activity and are just dying to tell someone? Then the Citizens Corps has a once in a lifetime opportunity for you!

Operation TIPS (Terrorism and Information Prevention System) is looking for snoops (I mean citizens) like you as a first line of defense. You could act as the government's eyes and ears while performing your usual duties. Make that go-nowhere job at the pizza chain count for something.

The FBI, CIA and NSA require their candidates to have a bachelor's degree and undergo a rigorous program. For Operation TIPS, no degree or long, boring classes are necessary. Just be your nosy self. It's like becoming a G-man without the training.

As a TIPSter, you can report in at our toll-free number or website by catching these telltale signs: unusual accents or unintelligible speech (as well as illegible signatures); ordering exotic take-out food; politically volatile posters, books and CD's (think Diego Rivera, John Steinbeck or the Clash's "London Calling"); large groups of people sharing cramped living quarters (that sleeping baby might be a sleeper agent).

Worried about infringing on civil liberties? The US Postal Service appears to be---those pansies! That's why they're not participating (you'd think with their collective firepower, they would be down with TIPS and take down some terrorists).

When you enroll with TIPS, you won't be bothered with the muss and fuss of warrants and probable cause. And because the calls are anonymous, no one need know who dropped a dime. What other informants can lay that claim?

If you're a utility worker, monitoring kilowatt usage and telecommunications is simpler because you're effectuating the USA Patriot Act.

Shopping Mall security can catalog the buying patterns of the next Al-Qaeda. Campus security could call in the next meeting of suspect student organizations.

Serve your country (or if you're not a citizen, this country) by calling Operation TIPS. Wages for your job range from minimum to barely-living. The feeling you get for ensuring national security is priceless.

(On Sept. 3, The Senate will begin consideration of Motion to Proceed on HR 5005, the Homeland Security Bill. To send a FREE fax to your Senator urging against implementation of TIPS, log onto the ACLU website: http://www.aclu.org/action/tips107.html. Contact info for your elected representatives can also be found on www.firstgov.gov.)

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sf nurse
Tue, Sep 3, 2002 8:40PM
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