Enron Chief Named New Dean of the Al Capone School of Economics

The CEO of the Houston-based engery giant Enron, Kenneth Lay, was selected to succeed Charles Hurwitz as the Dean of the Al Capone of Economics today, said School President Charles Keating. Citing hundreds of billions of dollars of cash, packaged in brown bags, lifted from the wallets of utility ratepayers across the nation, Keating said the decision to name an energy industry executive the new dean was an easy one.

"Wow, I wish I had thought of energy deregulation back in the '80s," said Keating upon announcing Lay's appointment as the new school dean. "I love the way the energy utilities lifted $112 billion from ratepayers in 11 states that deregulated as way to pay off the loses from their failed nuclear power plants. And the way Enron and company in the California energy market are spiking prices by taking an inordinate number of the plants off line. Pure genius! Mr. Lay clearly has pioneered new ways to rip off the public and we at the Al Capone School of Economics are happy to welcome him to our family."

What clinched Lay's nomination for the job as dean was a recent Sacramento Bee interview published on February 4, in which Lay justified his company's price spiking in the California energy market by claming that it would lead to more energy conservation. "I loved that Sacramento Bee interview," said Keating. "The way he lectured to Californians on the need to tighten their belts while he personally pockets millions for himself. It's not like he will ever have to choose between feeding his family and paying his electricity bill. That's the first rule used by an extortionist when justifying his robbery: Blame his victims. I loved that one!"

Al Capone School of Economics faculty seemed generally pleased by Lay's selection as the new dean.

"He definitely is a trend setter in extortion," said Michael Milken, who is the schools Professor of Junk Bonds. "I wish I had thought of energy industry regulation back in the '80s. Welcome to the family Dean Lay!"

"I wish I had thought of that one back in the '80s myself," said Neal Bush, brother of President Bush and a Professor of S & L Theft at the school. "Dean Lay will be an excellent addition to the school's adminstration."

"Why am I wasting my time as a union boss," said Teamster's President James Hoffa, Jr., a Professor of Union Dues Extortion at the school. "I need to get hired on as an energy executive. I bet I'll make more than any multiple salaried Teamster officer."

In a press release today Lay said that he was honored to be named the school's dean and that he looked forward to his new job. "This is truly an honor and I look forward to following in the foot steps of past school Deans, like Charles Hurwitz and the late great Jimmy Hoffa. They are tough acts to follow but I think energy deregulation is well on its way to becoming the first trillion dollar heist in human history. I want to thank every energy industry lobbyist in the country, from DC to every statehouse in the nation. You made our heist possible!"